The power of paradox in self-reflection

In everyday life, we often encounter paradoxes. These are statements or situations that seem contradictory or mutually exclusive. For example, people might say that they want to be successful, but also want to have a balanced life. Or, someone might say that they want to be independent, but they also want to be connected to others.

These paradoxes can be a source of great insight. People try to simplify the world into straightforward understanding. True realization comes when you embrace the complexity of life. By exploring paradoxes, we can learn more about ourselves and the world around us.

In this newsletter series, we will explore the role of paradox in reflection and growth. We will discuss the views of several experts on paradox, including Brené Brown, David Burns, Lisa Lahey and Robert Kegan, and Daniel Gilbert. We will also explore some practical tips for incorporating paradox into your own reflection practice.

Brené Brown is known for her work on vulnerability, shame, and courage. Brown argues that paradox is a central part of the human experience and critical for wholeness. Her view is that holding two opposing viewpoints at the same time is complicated but necessary. I'll talk more about her views on paradox and vulnerability.

David Burns is a psychiatrist and the author of the "Feeling Good" and "Feeling Great" books. He writes about the importance of challenging our negative thoughts and beliefs. He says that "paradoxical thinking can be a powerful tool for changing our thoughts and behaviors."

Lisa Lahey and Robert Kegan have a similar finding in their book "Immunity to change." Their core message is that motivation alone will not ever lead to meaningful change on any adaptive challenge. If someone is trying to change something about themself and simple fixes don't work, then the challenge is adaptive. The only way to change an adaptive behavior is to figure out how that thing serves you already. The paradox is that to break free from a habit you don't want, you have to understand what is good about it first.

Daniel Gilbert is a professor of psychology at Harvard University and the author of the book "Stumbling on Happiness." In his book, he highlights research that shows that people who have been in tragic accidents end up happier than people who win the lottery. The paradox is that when awful things happen to people, it activates their "emotional immune system" and actually helps them recover faster and find happiness.

• Pay attention to paradoxes in your own life. What are some of the paradoxes that you have observed? What insights do they offer you?

• Challenge your own assumptions. When you encounter a new piece of information, take a moment to check how that fits with your preexisting notions. Is there a way that your assumptions are forcing you to simplify something more complex? Can this new viewpoint and your previous one both be true?

• Be open to new perspectives. When you encounter a new viewpoint that may oppose something you already believe, embrace the ambiguity. Accept both perspectives as true and see how that can be. 

Paradox is a complex and fascinating phenomenon. It can be frustrating, but it can also be a source of great insight. By exploring paradoxes, we can learn more about ourselves and the world around us. We can also develop the skills we need to reflect on our experiences and grow as individuals.

I hope this newsletter has given you some insights into the role of paradox in reflection. I'll dig deeper into the different views and benefits over the next weeks.