Engineer's guide to being a patient and confident dad

To be successful in the parenting role, it’s crucial to keep your cool. It doesn’t matter how organized or analytical you are – if you can’t maintain your composure in challenging situations, it’ll be much harder to be a reliable parent. That’s why it’s so important to develop patience and confidence as a dad – these traits will help you stay composed amid chaotic situations and move through them with confidence.

From my own experience, patience is especially key when dealing with my own children. They push my buttons in ways no one else can. It takes practice to stay patient while trying to establish authority and maintain control. Some ways to do this effectively are to become comfortable with taking whatever time is necessary to explain things patiently, deal with your feelings in a healthy way, and figure out proper solutions rather than becoming overwhelmed by a situation and making rash decisions.

Similarly, confidence is necessary for parenting. Understanding when to take charge is key – but also knowing when to give up control and let your children learn from their own experiences is equally important. Confidence allows you to embrace these difficult choices without worry or fear.

Communication is one of the most important components of successful parenting. The way you communicate with your children will shape many of their decisions and experiences as they grow older. It’s important to be clear and to give children the space to talk when they need it. Having an effective communication strategy can help the whole family stay on the same page.

One simple yet effective communication strategy is to avoid using labels when speaking to children. Instead of labeling an action as “bad” or “wrong”, explain why it isn’t a good choice and how else they can approach the same situation differently. Emphasizing consequences over finger-pointing also helps build trust with your child.

It's important for parents to recognize that each child is unique and has different needs. This means that rather than having a “one size fits all” approach to parenting, a more personal touch should be taken when responding to your child's needs. So many parents go through this learning when they have a second child and see just how different they are. Understanding your child's feelings and concerns goes a long way in providing the best possible care.

When responding to your child's needs, it's important to take the time to listen and empathize with what they are saying. Showing understanding and compassion can ease any frustrations they might be feeling. Also try not to jump to conclusions – don't assume that you already know what they want or need; instead, listen to them and make sure you are teaching them how to speak up for their own needs.

Although it might seem counterintuitive, establishing clear boundaries and expectations is key for successful parenting. Establishing boundaries will help your child understand what behavior is acceptable and what isn't, allowing them to feel safe, secure and respected. Clearly communicating expectations will also help your child learn how to make responsible decisions, set appropriate goals and adhere to rules. As Brené Brown says, "Clear is kind."

Take the time to sit down with your child and discuss any boundaries or expectations that need to be set. Make sure you let them know why certain boundaries are in place, so they have an understanding of their importance. It's also important that these boundaries are consistent, so your child knows what to expect all the time.

Having a strong connection between you and your child is so important for successful parenting. This connection starts with bonding with and nurturing your child. This can be done by actively listening to their feelings and concerns, giving them support and feedback, and helping them to understand the world around them. Making time for regular conversations will also create strong bonds between you and your child.

A great way to foster connection is by doing activities together that are fun for both of you. Participation in meaningful activities such as reading stories, playing sports or cooking meals together allows your child to feel loved, engaged and secure.

No one is perfect – it's natural for all parents to experience moments of stress or irritation when dealing with their kids. To be an effective parent and model for your children, staying cool under pressure is essential. Here are a few tips that all dads can use when they feel overwhelmed:

• Take a few deep breaths before responding; this will help you stay calmer.
• Count to ten before saying anything, which will also allow you time to think before responding.
• Focus on the positive; consciously make an effort to focus on what's going well instead of what isn't.
• Talk yourself through it; instead of giving into frustrations, take a few moments to think about why it's happening and how it can be resolved.
• Remember every behavior meets a need; try to figure out what need is being met by the actions that are frustrating you and work on resolving that.

Sometimes when it feels like things are out of our control, we can lash out in frustration. In parenting, however, it's essential that we remain centered on finding solutions and keeping our cool. Instead of becoming frustrated at them, demonstrate problem-solving techniques. Show them how you keep calm when faced with pressure, so that they can adapt these same techniques for their own lives.

When dealing with difficult situations, we all can find ourselves taking out our anger on our children. It is totally natural and happens to everyone. When I have realized that is what is going on, I always apologize to my kids. Then, we look for positive solutions that could help the entire family move forward. Make sure you take time for yourself too; take a break if needed, then come back afterwards with a renewed energy.

Having confidence in your parenting style will give you the belief necessary to push through difficult times with grace. Allow yourself the opportunity to make mistakes – no parent is perfect – as making mistakes can actually be beneficial for teaching problem solving skills and resilience. Understand that everything happens for a reason. It might feel like it at times, the only way to get better is to keep trying and learn from your mistakes. 

In order to trust yourself as a parent, allow yourself space for self-reflection and growth through reading books or talking with other parents. When faced with difficult situations, examine all possible solutions and trust your own instincts on which action would be best for all involved.

It’s important to recognize when you need help and support. Parenting can be overwhelming at times, so don’t be afraid to ask for support when needed. Ask close family members or friends for assistance, or join a local support group that might be able to provide additional advice or guidance. It’s also a great way to meet other parents who might have experienced similar situations.

By giving yourself permission to ask for help when needed, you can learn more about yourself as a parent and get back on track towards successful parenting!