Different Types of Empathy and How to Learn Them
There is a key skill that has emerged in the research as a foundation for being a good dad: empathy.
It is shown to have a positive correlation with self-esteem in their kids. It is recognize that the model of father as provider is not optimal, and fathers need to provide emotional positive support such as empathy.
Additionally, the notion that empathy was an innate skill has been disproven. Empathy is a learnable skill with practice.
Given these two facts, it has been a high priority for me to continue to hone my empathy skills and model them for my kids at every opportunity.
Empathy is not just one thing
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a crucial skill that helps us connect with others and build meaningful relationships. In his book, "The War for Kindness," Jamil Zaki describes three different types of empathy. He also offers strategies for cultivating empathy in our daily lives.
The first type of empathy is cognitive empathy, which involves understanding the emotions of others from their perspective. This type of empathy allows us to see the world through someone else's eyes and appreciate their point of view. To develop cognitive empathy, it's important to actively listen to others. Then try to understand their perspective, even if we don't agree with it.
The second type of empathy is emotional empathy, which involves feeling the emotions of others. When we experience emotional empathy, we feel what others are feeling, and it can be a powerful tool for building connections with others. However, it's important to note that emotional empathy can be overwhelming. We need to learn how to regulate our emotions so that we can support others without being consumed by their emotions.
The third type of empathy is compassionate empathy. This combines cognitive and emotional empathy with a desire to help others. When we have compassionate empathy, we not only understand and feel the emotions of others, but we also want to take action to support them. This type of empathy can be cultivated by practicing kindness and compassion in our daily lives.
Strategies for learning empathy as a dad
So, how can we grow our empathy? Zaki suggests several strategies, including: actively listening to others, trying to understand their perspective, and practicing compassion and kindness in our daily lives. It's also important to be aware of our own biases and prejudices and work to overcome them.
As a dad in today's world, empathy is a critical skill to have. Here are some tips from Prof. Zaki for cultivating empathy:
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Avoid tribal thinking: move away from an "us versus them" mentality. Be open to learning about other people and their experiences. Actively seek out others who have a different background and learn about them as a person not a stereotype.
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Create a norm around being empathic: Highlight positive examples of empathy and find role models who demonstrate empathy that you and your kids might look up to. Write a list of ways that they are empathic together and discuss how those have a positive impact.
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Model a growth mindset about empathy: Talk to your kids about how you are learning empathy as a new skill and that you hope they will as well. A study done showed that people who tried to convince others that empathy was a learnable skill actually were more able to learn it themselves.
Empathy is a critical skill that can help us build meaningful relationships with others. By understanding the three types of empathy and practicing empathy in our daily lives, we can cultivate this skill. We can use it to connect with others and make the world a kinder, more compassionate place.
As a dad, practicing empathy with our children can help us prepare them for a life with higher self-esteem and better relationships. It can also build a strong bond with them that will survive the ups and downs of growing up.
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